


I Hate You

by Vivien



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 13:32:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5458220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vivien/pseuds/Vivien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I hate you."</p><p>"I know."</p><p>A brother and a sister at the end of the world. Everything is different, but some things have stayed the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Hate You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aphrodite_mine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphrodite_mine/gifts).



Alicia stormed through the house, a five-year-old fury, looking for her brother. Her mean, stupid brother.

“Where are my Barbies?” she shrieked once she found him in the living room, sitting on a box.

“How should I know?”

Her insides balled up, and her face felt full of fire. He always did this. He always picked on her and picked on her.

Nick laughed. “The dog probably ate them.”

“I hate you!”

He shrugged, and that dismissal was all it took to push her over the edge. Alicia bawled, her face shriveling into wet red wrinkles. Nick took the dolls out from under the box where he’d hidden them. “Here. I found your stupid dolls.”

She sniffled and grabbed for them. Clutching them to her chest, she said, with defiance, “I still hate you.”

“I know. Hey, let’s go outside. I found an ant nest and it's full of creepy black ants.”

“Ugh,” Alicia said. She sniffled. “Okay.”

Five minutes later they were laughing and playing in the backyard, the doll incident forgotten.  
  
****

Dad grew up by the ocean, and he always said to never turn your back on it. It was a power to be respected as well as enjoyed, so when you played in the surf, you always kept an eye on what was going on. It’s hard for seven-year-olds to remember that kind of thing every moment, especially when there are shiny things glinting in the watery sand by your feet. As Alicia reached down for whatever had caught the sun, an unusually strong wave struck her from behind, and she stumbled as the sand slid under her feet.

The undertow tugged at her, and she fell into the water with a yelp. She was disoriented, slipping deeper into the ocean. The water would be over her head quickly. A hand grabbed her arm, and Nick pulled her to her feet, bringing her back into the shallow water. She clung to him for a minute, and he hugged her back.

“You okay?” he asked.

She coughed and nodded her head.

“Good, because that was the stupidest thing I ever saw. You never turn your back on the ocean.”

“I hate you,” she said with a weak voice. He was such a jerk.

But when he took her hand to lead her back up the beach to where the towels were laid out, she let him. He was a jerk, but he was her big brother, and he looked out for her.

***

Alicia knew she was smart. She liked it. She wanted to know things, to have the right answers in class, to read hard books. She didn’t like the other kids teasing her about it. She was nine, and already learning how to be quiet, to not stick out and attract attention. When she did things like winning the science fair and getting her stupid name announced on the stupid morning announcements, it wasn’t easy to hide.

The kids caught her on the walk home from school. It was an assortment of neighborhood kids, some in her class, some older. They followed her, sneering and calling her stupid names. Braniac. Nerd. Smarty.

Whatever.

She ignored them, pretending they didn’t exist.

“Stop picking on my sister,” Nick said, stepping in front of her on the sidewalk. He’d hit a growth spurt once he’d started middle school that fall. He was taller, and he sure did like to pretend he was in charge. She glared at him, even as the kids melted away, snickering at her as they darted last mocking glances.

“I hate you,” Alicia hissed. “Now they’ll make fun of me even more.”

“What?” Nick said, incredulous. “I did you a favor. See if I help you ever again.”

“Yeah, big loss.” She stormed into the house, slamming the front door in a huff behind her. She heard it slam again a moment later when Nick came inside.

When their mom got home an hour later, she found Alicia and Nick playing Mario Kart in the living room, razzing each other and hollering with glee. They could be trials in their own ways, especially Nick, but she was always glad to see how well they got along together.

***  
  
Alicia was in a deep sleep, dreaming of the new boy in her 8th grade home room. He was so cute. They were on a picnic in space, and everything was perfect, except for the aliens hitting the moon rocks with picks. Tap, tap, tap.

She opened her eyes, suddenly awake. Someone was tapping on her window.

“Licia,” said a hoarse whisper. “Licia, wake up.”

She got out of bed and stumbled to the window, rubbing her eyes. Opening it, she looked down at the shadowy silhouette of her brother. “Nick? What the hell?”

“Licia, help me get inside. I messed up. I messed up bad.”

“Oh my God, are you drunk again?” She hated this. She hated the way her brother acted when he was drunk or on something, hated the hiding, hated the inevitable yelling in the morning when their parents found out – and they pretty much always found out. But not always, thanks to her.

Nick’s face lifted up enough for Alicia to see the bloody mess it had become. She gasped and opened the window a crack. “What happened to you?”

Nick gurgled, “You should see the other guy.”

“Go to the back door. I’ll let you in, and Jesus, clean you up. God, I hate you when you wake me up like this.”

Nick nodded. “I kinda hate myself right now,” he said, and he staggered towards the back door.

Alicia sighed and hurried on quiet feet to let him inside.

***

It had been a rough birthday, her sweet sixteenth, what with Dad dying that year. She couldn’t believe he was gone. It had been six months, and she thought by now it wouldn’t hurt as bad as it had, but it still hurt pretty fucking bad.

Nick wasn’t helping. He’d gotten kicked out of his second rehab a month ago, and he’d shown up back at the house after a couple of weeks of being missing. Mom had hardly slept. Neither had Alicia, although she pretended really hard that she had. Now Nick was contrite and compliant and absolutely full of shit.

Alicia had given up on thinking he might get clean. He didn’t want anything - not college, not a good job, not friends, not his family- more than he wanted to get high. But Mom was convinced it was just a matter of time before they could get through to him.

He’d had a slice of cake with her and Mom, as Alicia opened the cards and presents from her grandparents and the other out of town family. Then he’d slipped into his room, staying out of the way when her friends came by to take her out to the movies. When she got home - way after curfew, but Mom was okay with it since it was Friday, and she’d called and it was her birthday - she flopped down on her bed and pulled out her birthday cards. She had about $100 in gift cards and crisp bills inside them, and she was already planning on what to buy when she went shopping tomorrow.

The cards were empty. She went through each one, checking the envelopes, too.

Her mom was still awake, watching something on TV in the living room while she folded laundry.

“Mom, did you take my gift cards and money?” She showed her the empty cards and envelopes she’d brought out. “They’re not where I left them.”  
Her mom shook her head no, and Alicia knew what had happened to her birthday money. She knew her mom knew, too.

“Nick? Nick, get out here!” Mom yelled.

His room was empty, and he was gone again, and God, she hated him. She hated him so much. She fled to her room, sobbing into the pillow and punching it fiercely while her mom tried to smooth her hair and promise she’d replace the money, that Nick would give it back, that it would be okay.

It wouldn’t be okay. It would never be okay.

***

When Alicia left the Tran house with her arm oozing blood from where her skin was stained in a black ink spiral, Nick was in the backyard sitting under a tree.

“Hey,” he said, nodding to her. He’d been quiet and nothing but deferential to her in the past couple of days. But then, she’d cleaned up his puke while he was in withdrawal as the world collapsed around them, so she expected nothing less. His eyes flickered down to her arm, and he frowned.

“Got some new ink,” she said, as if giving herself a tattoo was a normal thing. She settled down on the grass beside him, squinting her eyes against the sun.

“Get some antibiotic cream when you get inside,” he said. “You don’t want it to get infected.”

“Like it matters.”

They sat quietly for a few minutes.

“It matters,” Nick finally said, and he turned to her. “Hey, I’m really sorry about your boyfriend. I just, you know, wanted to tell you.”

There were moments when Alicia glimpsed the brother she loved inside the lying addict jerk he’d become. She treasured those moments.  
“Maybe he’s okay. His parents might have come back and…” And what? Got him to the doctor? Escaped to a tropical island? Tears filled her eyes, as fucking usual.

Nick bumped his shoulder into hers. “Come on. Let’s go keep your arm from rotting off. If the power’s back, maybe I can beat you at Mario Kart.”

Alicia rolled her eyes. “I hate you,” she said, but she bumped his shoulder back, and when he stood up, she followed.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed your story. I enjoyed writing it. Alicia and Nick are an interesting pair of siblings.
> 
> Thanks to Gwynne for the beta!


End file.
